CLAW is pleased to announce that July 8th we will wrestle in the name of S.A.R.A., or the Sexual Assault Resource Agency. This event will take place rain or shine from 8-10 PM behind the Blue Moon Diner under a tent. Bring your friends and some cash for bribing, betting and merch!
I knocked the light out of the sun with my claw
I sailed the seven seas with my claw
I scratched my head with my claw
Now don’t you want to party with my claw?
I love my, I love my Claw
I love my, I love my Claw
Mama said cook the chicken I say, “Hell No!”
Daddy said clean up, he know where to go
There’s only one thing I’ve got to do now
Suitin’ up gonna let these guns roll
I love my, I love my Claw
I love my, I love my Claw
I threw the I-Ching with my claw
I rang the Church bells with my Claw
I saved Hanuman with my claw
Now don’t you want to party with my Claw
I love my, I love my Claw
I love my, I love my Claw
This is the life I lead
Opening the flood gates, take it to the mat now
Now I’ve got everything I need
My home, my country, all my sisters now
Here I am coming at you full speed
I’m a freight train running through your back door
Couldn’t it be, Couldn’t it be, Couldn’t it be
First a beat down, then another beat down.
I love my, I love my CLAW
I love my, I love my CLAW
~Copyright 2008 Straight Punch to the Crotch
On June 10th, beneath a crackling, lightning filled sky, under a white tent, next to a white garage, the Charlottesville Lady Arm Wrestlers transformed their dirty, backroom activities at the Blue Moon Diner into … well, dirty outdoor activities at the Blue Moon Diner. According to our sky-CLAW blimp, there were somewhere between 100-300 people in attendance at CLAW 5. Rosie was back on the mike as emcee, The Empire was back under the table, and Straight Punch to the Crotch dazzled the audience with their new CLAW anthem as well as many other rockin’ songs for the crowd to dance to. The Ref brought a new, mostly AAA regulation toolkit containing handcuffs, kazoos, a ratchet set, a saw and some other unmentionables.
We had 2, not one, sound guys and almost managed to have the wrasslers’ theme songs play correctly, i.e. out loud, and in the right order. We had a fantastic display of appropriately poor sportsladyship and creativity with a bunch of new wrestlers. Here was the round 1 lineup (* indicates winner of matchup):
1
Unholy Betty Roller (Lisa Speidel)*
Mohammed Sugar Ray Cato Bruce Lee (Sara Elizabeth)
2
The Punctuator (Cathy Harding)
Tinkerhell (Kristin Hennings Solomon)*
3
Ulysses S. Nopants (Lily McVey)
Purple Haze (Amy McLeskey)*
4
The Pitbull (Tara Hodges)*
Sparkles (Lara Fisher)
The final round was a matchup between TinkerHell (who doesn’t give a@#$% if you believe in fairies) and The Pitbull, with TinkerHell taking the championship and winning the crowd favorite title and trophy. The event raised $1,005 for the Shelter for Help in Emergency (SHE).
Next Tournament: July 8th. Charity TBD.
Our official photographer Billy Hunt is about to wow the city with his portraits and candid photos of CLAW matches. The show, titled appropriately CLAW!!!!!!!!, opens tonight, June 6th, at 6:00 at Cafe Cubano. Here are the digital versions.
Please join the CLAWs this Tuesday, June 10th, from 8-10 PM, for our first-ever outdoor tournament behind the Blue Moon Diner! This month, the proceeds from merchandise sales, fake betting and bribing benefit the Shelter for Help in Emergency (S.H.E.).
The Shelter for Help in Emergency works to end domestic violence in our community by providing a 24 hour crisis hotline, emergency shelter, court advocacy, information and referrals and supportive counseling in Charlottesville, Louisa, Nelson, Fluvanna, Green and Albemarle Counties. Currently, in addition to cash, they are in need of bus tickets, grocery cards, phone cards, used cell phones, household and toiletry items to help the clients who are seeking safety and shelter at the facility.
I think it’s fitting that we will occupy a new shelter for this next tournament just as SHE is getting a new shelter.
I’m thrilled to announce that CLAW 5 will feature celebrity judges Straight Punch to the Crotch, who are debuting their soon-to-be hit power ballad “CLAW” for the audience on Tuesday night!!! They are releasing a new CD on June 21st.
Don’t miss it. And, you know the drill… bring cash and a friend who’s never experienced CLAW. Without further ado, here’s the lineup.
Okay, it’s not really actually a smackdown. Not technically. CLAW includes all, especially women as feisty and fierce as the Charlottesville Derby Dames, our own roller derby team. This month all proceeds from the smackdown go to the Dames who are working their wheels off trying to get their team going and a place to hold their bouts. Come down to the Blue Moon this Tuesday night to cheer on your favorite wrassler, as the Ref calls them, and don’t forget to bring cash money for CLAW trinkets and betting and bribing! Here’s the lineup as it stands right now.
Here’s the official word from the Derby Dames:
The Charlottesville Derby Dames are proud to be Charlottesville, VA’s first all-female, skater-owned, flat track roller derby league. Our goal is to empower women by fostering athleticism, self-worth and friendly competition to promote their physical, mental and social health. We are also dedicated to contributing to the Charlottesville community through service-oriented volunteer work, contributions to charitable organizations and promoting charitable events.
We are working hard to develop our team and become a member of the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association so we can begin competing this fall. We are still searching for a bigger space where we can practice and also host public bouts with bands, food and derby fun. Currently we practice every Wednesday at the Armory on Avon Street Extended from 7 to 10 p.m. New skaters are always welcome, and guys are encouraged to come out too; we need referees!
Clearly The Empire had rough time getting out from Under the Table, to judge by the tardiness of this month’s View from Down There. As you might imagine, it was dark and dirty Under the Table at CLAW 3. Dark, dirty and dangerous.
Once again, the CLAW kids mixed it up by moving things around. While The Empire was in her usual position on the floor (and Under the Table), the entire wrestling location was rotated 90º for everyone’s viewing pleasure. The Empire would like to tell you that this afforded more and better seating, but really, she didn’t count.
CLAW 3 became media central: in addition to (fabulous) coverage in The Progress and by the TV news, there was a newly mounted close-circuit camera that allowed all the folks inside and outside Le Bleu Moon to more fully participate in the betting and hollering and general raucousness that is a CLAW Event. The Empire is sure that all this closed-circuit-hooha will eventually lead to a speedier delivery of her drinks by kind and worthy patrons, and she thanks y’all in advance.
While some of CLAW’s most loyal patrons demonstrated exemplary behavior at this month’s Event, there were other, more Johnny-come-lately-type patrons who - shall we say - might have needed to to be politely excused from Our Event. Patrons would do well to remember that The Empire calls it like she sees it and is not one to cross.
Watch your feet and The Empire will see y’all next month.
Sardines would be embarrassed by how many folks we squeezed into the Blue Moon Diner Tuesday night. Oh my, but it was a glorious night of wrassling, drinking and cursing. Oh, and fundraising. After expenses, we raised $807 for our girl Cowgirl Sady-istic aka P.E.A.C.E. Scooter Girl, who’s departing to make her peace documentary on her scooter in just a few weeks. You can read her rolicking account of the night on her blog.
The new wrassler The Homewrecker was dominant from the very first round and went on to win the competition after crushing tiny houses and tiny arms. There was a fracas between the Under-the-Table Empire and a “good looking man” in the front row, as Nurse Cheryl refers to him. The whole thing is beautifully documented by the Daily Progress’s Megan Lovett on the DP website.
Kaity the Harrible, the crowd favorite, who showed very respectably in the final round with Homewrecker, gave my favorite quote to the media: “Arm wrestling is…mmmm….maybe 90% mental and 80% physical. You gotta want it.”
Stay tuned for info about next month’s tournament on May 13th in support of the Charlottesville Derby Dames.
Nurse Cheryl has already reported this, but I wanted to embed the video. Our local arts and culture free weekly paper, C-Ville Weekly, has create a C.L.A.W. of the Month feature on their web site.
Don’t miss CLAW 3, Return of the CLAWs, this Tuesday, April 8th, from 8-10 p.m. Get to the diner early, y’all, buy drinks and food and don’t forget to bring cash for betting, bribing, and merchandise… Without further ado, here’s the lineup:
Cowgirl Sady-istic (Alix Bryan)
The Prim Reaper (Jennifer Hoyt Tidwell)
The Banana Blitz (Jenni Case)
The Sidewinder (Ros Casey)
The Homewrecker (Kara Dawson)
Kaity the Harrible (Kaity Harr)
Bunny Hampton (Amy Noelle Ferguson)
The Amazon (Maria Manzione)
We’ll keep the first round matchups a secret until the tournament, though. Start the betting!
